Baby's First Birthday: A Great Time to Take a Bow

Guest blog post!

In this post from Stacy at,  Stacy shares her funny story called "Baby's First Birthday: A Great Time to Take a Bow."

Even though you’ll throw lots of kids’ parties in your child’s lifetime, rest assured the first one will absolutely be the most ridiculous. If you’re already picturing clowns, pony rides, climbing walls, magicians, out-of-town guests, and a cast of thousands for your one-year-old’s party, you need to get to a support group right away.

I speak from experience. I’m a recovering party-aholic myself. For my eldest son’s first birthday, I stayed up the entire night before papier-mâché-ing a piñata (because, you know, the store-bought ones weren’t good enough), only to watch in horror the next day as it was pummeled into a gleeful pulp by 15 kids in search of bite-sized Snickers in a sea of cheap taffy and sour balls. The pictures of my shock don’t do me justice. Rest assured, I wanted to hurt someone.

Treats for All! Smashing the Pinata!

Then, of course, I had to make a cake (because, you know, the store-bought ones weren’t good enough). Never mind that the only things I had ever baked at high altitude (I live at 7,000 feet) were cookies, all of which eventually found useful lives as hockey pucks and hammers.

Hockey Pucks

The irony of all this is that a child’s first birthday party is not for the child at all—it’s for the parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, literally a cast of thousands that you probably haven’t seen since the last family wedding (or funeral). Trust me, even though your child is the genius you always knew existed somewhere in your family tree (on your side, of course), Junior will not remember his first birthday party.

That’s why I’ve always thought that for at least the first five years of a child’s life (if not longer), the mom should be the one who is honored on her child’s birthday, with a big party for her, at which she gets all the presents, preferably things like pedicures and massages. I mean, come on, it’s only fair! She’s the one who had to retain water like a cistern in a hurricane for 40 weeks (which is actually 10 months, so I don’t know where they get that nine-month pregnancy nonsense).


She’s the one who had to give up alcohol and coffee during one the biggest (and most stressful) hormonal changes of her life. And she’s the one who forever gets to wear those eternal badges of maternal honor—saggy body parts that try their hardest to become BFFs with gravity. Oh yeah, that’s a great look.

So save yourself a lot of grief. When your baby’s one-year milestone rolls around, stick a candle in a cupcake, take some video, and call it a day. Then after Junior goes to bed, turn off the camera, invite your best pals over, and spend the evening letting everyone toast you and your overworked uterus. Later in life, when your child asks about his first birthday, you can you can honestly say, “Why yes, sweetheart, your first birthday was one of the best parties of my life!”

- Stacy

Stacy publishes the blog and is the author of the humorous mommy book "Confessions of a Band Geek Mom"

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